The Northern Vault

I'm moving over to Blogger. Check out my new blog:

http://gearluvr.blogspot.com

I got a little horny in the shower this morning. In my half awake state, I read the directions on the Old Spice Body Wash bottle. Not the usual "Lather, rinse, repeat"

Grab your ClOth
Squeeze it out.
Lather it up.
Rinse it off.

OK, I need a cold shower now ;-)

sweetbaby_girl was over tonight to make yummy dinner and do laundry.

After dinner, I pulled out Upwords. The first four letters I drew:
B D S M

I kid you not! This was totally random, mind you!

At various other points, I was only one letter away from spelling "Clitoris" and "Orgasm".

The Universe either loves me or hates me -- I'm not sure which one yet.

I have haunted Hair Trigger since its earliest days in 1999 and through all of its many iterations. Where the webmaster (Matt?) got all his material, I'll never know. But it was a never-ending supply of high quality images of hot, hairy, muscular, masculine guys. The collage above is just a small sampling of what was on the site.

I'm sad to say that the site went down about a week ago. It's gone, vanished, disappeared without a trace. Even when it was up, it hadn't been updated since November. I have a feeling it's not coming back.

EDIT 2/17/07: It's back! :-) No new posts, but it's back!

The webmaster had a cryptic note in August that his boyfriend was in the hospital. Nothing has been noted on his guestbook. In my gut, I know something bad happened. I'm saddened, and wish I could reach across the miles to this man I don't know but who has brought me so many pleasurable hours.

Matt, wherever you are, I thank you for your hard work and dedication over the years. You have brought some amazing men to so many people. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

---

On the same day I try to grieve over this loss, I bring you a site I just discovered that I think will provide some solace: The Underwear and Swimwear Guide. The images below were shamelessly stolen from the site. So, to make up for it, I'll send them some traffic. So go pay a visit, huh?

I haven't updated in more than six months. Sheesh. I guess that whenever I find something online that excites me, I usually have to go take care of myself ;-) After that, it's back to reality, so I don't post much. So, here I am. I'll try to be better O:-)

I've kind of been on a hiatus from doing much surfing for porn lately. A few weeks before Thanksgiving, Andy's family came to visit, and soon after they left, my family came and was here through New Years. Then, I've been busy with a project in town.

Any time I did have for adult entertainment I tried to sort through the backlog of images I've downloaded over the last year. I got on a Colt kick, and tried to sort out all the yummy musclegods from the mere mortals.

Anyone else a little excited by the Superbowl? What was that about Colt & Bears *snicker*

It was a full moon on groundhog's day. Boy did I feel it. I've been super randy for about the last week. Andy and I have had fun, but I haven't gotten a real good pounding in a while, and I want one >:-)

Tom of Finland remains the master of erotic art. It appears that Rob Clarke, however, is Tom's logical heir. More of a Tom of Finland with a great sense of humor (see above).

On a totally unrelated note, let me take a moment for a shoutout to one of my new favorite blogs, Les Ombres. No surprise, it focuses on men in their underwear. I was struck by a recent post featuring hottie Alessandro Hunter. Very cool sites, both of them!!

My momma taught me that it's not polite to stare, but sometimes, it's damn hard not to!

Church is especially tough because it's easy to get distracted and want to look at the people. I remember growing up, I'd look around the congregation, and inevitably some hot guy would catch my eye, and I'd stare as his gaze was turned downward in prayer. Then, unexpectedly he'd look up, and I'd have to look away quick so as not to get caught. If anyone were ever to approach me (which they didn't), or worse, if momma ever asked me why I was staring at a guy (which she didn't), I had the perfect rebuttal: "He reminded me of someone, and I was trying to figure out who."

I'm terrible at flirting for this reason. I'll stare and stare, and then when they catch my gaze, I'll look away and try to look nonchalant. I realized lately that I just look unapproachable. I'm just not comfortable making eye contact for one or (gasp!) smiling at someone for fear that they'll think I'm checking them out. Which I usually am.

Such was the case recently. I've just got done doing a show with some extremely talented and gorgeous dancers. For some odd reason, I was the only actor not on stage at the end of the first scene, and as I retired to the dressing room, found the dancers changing costumes. As I turned the corner on the first night, I came cheek to cheek with the most perfect bubble-butt I've ever seen in person, perfectly framed by a dance belt. (The pic above pretty closely represents what I saw, except for the hard-on. Damn!) I sat down, and stared into the mirror, trying to master that far-away, spaced-out look, thereby covering the fact that I was staring unabashedly at said dancer's perfect ass. I'm sure he knew I was watching, as I got a pretty good look at his goods -- both front and back -- over the course of the show.

Even before the dress rehearsal, this dancer was the only one who even remotely interested me. There was a short, dark fireplug of a dancer who I would have thought would have turned my crank, but oddly enough, didn't (A little TOO military, maybe?) I thought another of the other dancers was extremely goofy-looking until I saw him changing. Then, I saw the chest. OMG! Imagine a shorter version of the model behind the cut, and you'll get the picture. Once I realized that he reminded me of some of the studs on the Hairy Jocks Videos, I was done. Two yummy dancers nearly naked in one night. Needless to say, I couldn't concentrate much on my performance!

( yummy! )

I must say, I still puzzle over Dance belts, the love-child of a jock and a thong. How comfortable could it be to dance in one of those things? Now, I like things up my butt as much as the next homo, but those guys have to go out and be extremely physical, and graceful to boot! Crazy. I'll stick to watching the dancers. And their dance-belt framed asses.

An interesting read here.

Thanks to thepeculiarone

**

Have a couple of posts in mind, but I'm coming down off of a show, and have guests this weekend.

I have several handles I go by online, but the one I use most often is "gear_luvr."  I have a ridiculous obsession with underwear (save that story for another time).  I can't ever seem to stop buying underwear or swimwear or shorts.  My hormones overtake my common sense (and wallet), so I keep gaining more and more pairs.  Not that that's a bad thing :-)

The obvious favorites for any gay man are Undergear and it's father site International Male.  They also have a racier site which I love -- Maximum Exposure.  (What I'll never understand is why Undergear immediately stops publishing photos of any model who appears in adult films.  OK, I understand why, but I think it's silly.  I digress...)  Other sites that I visit from time to time:

• California Muscle
• Koala Swim
• International Jock
• Erogenous
• Prevail Sport
• Hunkwear - A little twink-centric for me, but hot, nonetheless
• ABC Underwear
• Body Aware
• Fresh Pair
• Lucy's Lair - Same stuff, different site EXCEPT some cheap leather (go figure!)

What other awesome sites am I missing?  Leave me a comment with your favorites -- summer is coming, you know ;-)

Tough guy You scored 70% masculine, 82% athletic, 27% exotic, and 25% refined!

You love men, you love testosterone and you know it. You like a bad-ass man who knows what he wants. He isn't what you might bring home to mom but I don't think it really matters - he's hot! Someone like.....Vin Diesel. But let's face it, the whole point of this was to look at a bunch of hot guys. If you liked what you saw, please rate my test!

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 80% on masculine You scored higher than 91% on athletic You scored higher than 15% on exotic You scored higher than 3% on refined

Link: The What type of MAN turns you on Test written by thinkandcome on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

OK, it's sad when some of the best porn I've seen recently is a commercial. Shit!

I had to do it. I just couldn't get by on my own anymore. I just had to face the facts, and seek solace in an online support community. LPSG.org - the Large Penis Support Group.

I always thought of my member as fairly average. Everything I read growing up says the average man is 6.5", so that's what I believed. At 7.5", I presumed I was slightly above average -- my dick looked pretty normal to me, but I knew I wasn't tiny! The first girl I got with, though, was impressed, which surprised me because I knew she had had sex with quite a few guys. She said I was NOT average, and I guess that's true; though the average reported penis size is 6.5", the true average is more like 4.5". Who knew?

In any case, I stumbled upon the hottest thread on LPSG: Why is a big load so damn hot? I wouldn't say I'm a cum pig, but I do skip pretty quickly to the money shots when watching porn. I spent the $6 for a membership so I could see the member pictures/vids (HOT), and spent a good hour or too reading, looking at vidclips, and generally getting randy.

( Images for my new friends at LPSG.ORG )
(If you've never checked out Dans Big Dick Videos, you MUST. Big dicks, big cumshots. HOT!)

I wish I could shoot huge loads. Unfortunately, I'm not like Andy, and only every now and then do I hit my chest, let alone my face. I take supplements to try to increase my sperm volume, with some success. Zinc seems to be the best at increasing volume; L-Arginine and ginseng help with the recovery (my testicles shrink to to size of shooter marbles if I cum more than once every 2-3 days). I tried Vitamin E for a while after reading it on Donnie Russo's site, and then discovered that more than 100% of the RDA is known to cause heart problems, so I stopped that. I've tried the Swedish Flower Pollen (ogoplex), which supposedly helps increase the "ropes" (number of pulses in an orgasm) and increase volume, but I didn't notice a significant difference. I've tried Viagra, but that didn't do much for volume (but it was fun! :-). I've pumped my dick, I've prodded my prostate, I've drunk gallons of water, but like it or not, I'm a "dribbler."

But my dick is still bigger than average, so there!

Andy's been out of town a lot, and I've been horny as hell! As usual, I'm going for my muscly, hairy guys. As much as I love BigMuscle, I needed some variety.

I had been surfing some video blogs lately, and had made a mental note to return to Tom @ Paris to grab a free vid or two. He also posts a monthly "Best of the month on the web", which (both directly and indirectly) led me to some sites I'm quite excited to have discovered:

Pole Position - This will DEFINITELY be a regular "read"
Nuba - Cute boys, annoying music
Pulkarcito - Not original, but prolific!
Roids n rants - Tom of Finland, Colt types. HOT!
Always gay. Always - Another "good" Minnesota boy :-) Dirty bastard!
We love muscle - Reminiscent of alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.male.bodybuilder.moderated (say THAT 10 times fast!)
Beautiful - Prolific, professional, well-written. Beautiful.

( The men of the evening )

I also love erotic art. When someone goes with their imagination, and creates the men of their dreams -- well, what can I say other than HOT! Tonight I discovered Michael Breyette - Beautiful work in pastels! Unfortunately, I don't have the $1500 for a print, so I'll just ogle online.
( Beautiful men, beautiful art )




And now, I have some "business" to take care of -- solo.

"I don't think our relationship is really going to last. Since he went back on Zoloft, he hasn't been the same in bed."

When I heard that, I felt the anger start to boil up inside of me. I wanted to say, "Let me get this straight. You find someone, love him faults-and-all, encourage him to become a better person, and then once he does take concrete steps toward that goal by going into therapy, you say you don't think it will last because the sex isn't quite as good? No, it's not going to last because you don't have love and understanding in your heart. That's why it's not going to last."

But I didn't say that. I just responded, "Hey! I resemble that remark!" I've been on and off Zoloft for the last six years to help me control panic and anxiety. Though it's been a Godsend in many ways, there's just no two ways about it: the drug kills both "drive and function" as my shrink keeps reminding me.

I'd never had problems with either before Zoloft. I got hard fast and frequently, oozed pre-cum like crazy, and had even trained myself to have "aftershocks" just about anywhere. I loved the feel of my hands on my body, one hand rubbing my chest, stomach, and balls while the other went to town on my dick. I craved and relished every orgasm, despite the good dose of Catholic guilt I felt afterwards.

Things don't feel the same anymore. It's harder for me to get in the mood, to get hard, to cum. Sometimes I get close to cumming, but I can't get over the edge -- talk about frustrating! My first time with a guy, I laid next to him jacking off for more than an hour after he came because I was too horny to give up and try again later.

There's no doubt in my mind that Andy could leave me at any time, saying he's tired of my moods and my "uneven" performance. But he doesn't. He holds me. He knows when to touch me softly, when to play rough, and when not to play at all. He tells me he loves me many times every day. He makes me laugh and smile and think and feel. Now that's love.

Homovizion!

OK, I admit, I'm on an "artsy" streak lately. I haven't haunted my usual websites like Hair Trigger or The Outlaw lately, favoring instead Patrick Devon's blog and the Tom of Finland Foundation.

I stumbled upon homovizion off of bjland and was impressed with the site. It was something different for once! Instead of the usual links to galleries of "bears", "muscles", and the like, there were links to "beauty", "truth", "grace", "balance", "courage", and "wisdom". The flash-driven site even has music on each page, and I'm not talking about cheesy midi files!

The site is highly New York centric, with lots of subarticles about plays, musicals, actors, and cultural icons. These are combined with "working galleries" under each subsection with a nice selection of eye candy. The graphics are simple, the writing and layout are good. Highly recommended for when you want to engage your brain while surfing.

"One word... ouch." Leathervt grabbed my attention with those three words. I clicked and was stunned by the beautiful penis that appeared before my eyes. The guy attached to it was pretty good, too. After regaining my composure, I looked at the dude's handle -- largetony -- and laughed; it was well deserved! As I clicked through the rest of the pics, I was impressed not only with Tony's endowment, but his toned body and his underwear pics. I got pretty turned on.

As I've said before, fantasy is great. Usually, when I browse BigMuscle.com and BigMuscleBears.com, I'm looking for eye candy to wank off to. In this case, however, I wanted to know more. I saw more behind those eyes than just carnality, and as I continued reading the profile there was something in the writing that showed me, "this guy's got something going on upstairs."

Curious, I followed the link to Tony's blog. There's always an intimacy with someone when reading a blog, and I saw Tony's soul laid bare on those pages and his heart wide open. Great guy, sensitive, caring, witty. "Large," I've decided, describes Tony's heart.

His pay site ain't half bad, though ;-)

I've dreamed of the perfect man for years. I can imagine the defined, bulging muscles and the hairy chest. I can imagine the huge dick that is concealed in a hot swimsuit or pair of underwear. I can imagine the caresses and kisses. I can image getting fucked long and hard, again and again. I can imagine the feeling of my own ample pole inside a tight ass, and load after load of cum flying everywhere. In short, I can imagine a porn star to call my very own.

The contrast of my fantasy life and the reality of my life couldn't be starker. I went to church. I got straight A's. I never drank. I didn't have premarital sex. I always sought the inner good in others, rather than getting wrapped up with physical beauty. I ministered to the poor in spirit. In short, I was perfect.

The characters in Sondheim & Lapine's Into the Woods muse: "Wishes may bring problems such that you regret them. Better that, though, than to never get them." I could never adopt such a Laissez-faire attitude. This was caused, ultimately, by fear. I was afraid that if people knew I wasn't perfect, I'd lose everything. I feared that by coming out, I would lose the support of friends and family, lose my identity, and ultimately lose myself. I feared God, fearing that I would be punished with failure and disease and damnation if I were to indulge my fantasies, fearing that indulgence would make me want more and more, lead me to make bad choices, and consume me. I was afraid that regret and remorse would be stronger than relief and enjoyment.

In the end, what I regret is not being true to myself. Admittedly, once a fantasy is realized, we are forever changed, and steps toward realizing any fantasy must made with care. But risk is often rewarded, much to the dismay of my anxiety-ridden psyche. Since coming out, I have felt out to sea and uncomfortable, but have found so much freedom that I never knew before. None of the bad things i expected to happen have happened. So I ask: why did I wait so long to come out? Why did I hide myself for so long and not take advantage of the reckless years of youth? Why did I cling so tightly to my fantasies, and not make them a reality until I was 26?

I was out less than a month when Andy and I started dating, and I wasn't seeking a relationship. But, three months after that, we moved in together, and I don't regret a moment that we've been together since. Some people tell me I jumped into things too quickly, and maybe I did. But the fact that we've been together more than three years seems to be a sign that this might last, and I need to commit. And I have to admit, Andy is no slouch in the sex department! He also fits my description of the perfect man on so many other levels. Why would I consider putting that at risk?

***

Loving a partner who loves me back. Being surrounded by a large group of close friends. Buying a home. Getting my singing career off the ground. Teaching at a University. Adopting a child. Owning an orchard and musicians' colony in California. Getting in shape and developing a muscular physique. Feeling fulfilled spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically. Making love and fucking like porn stars, gaining inspiration from masculine beauty wherever it may be found.

These are the fantasies that matter, the ones that help to illuminate my steps. I can imagine what these fantasies feel like, look like, sound like. Instead of bemoaning that I don't have "my own personal porn star," I can find other ways of letting my sexual fantasies play out in my life (this blog is one way!) I am challenging myself to let go of the regret of years lived in fear, and start living.

It's about fucking time.

I'm a lurker, and have watched gay porn evolve on the Internet from its infancy. Though I never did the BBS thing (I was too young to get access to the adult BBS's in Council Bluffs) I got my first PC in 1992, an IBM PS-2, and, being a horny and confused teenager, promptly put it to good use reading erotic fiction using Gopher. When I went to college in 1994, I decided to go top of the line. My buddy and I drove up to the Gateway factory 90 miles away, and I parted with $2000 I'd been saving from Christmases and birthdays for several years. In exchange, I got a Gateway Pentium 5-60 with 8 MB of RAM with which I could download porn from the newsgroups as well as write rhetoric papers. As the World Wide Web started to take off, so did a lot of porn sites. I was watching. And downloading. And buying. And renting.

I had always been smart. Maybe it was how I dealt with my sexuality and confusion -- if I could prove myself, then it would make up for the serious deficiency of being gay. Having gone to a strict all-boys Catholic high school, and having an unhealthy relationship with my parents, I was deeply closeted for years. But I would spend hours on the computer, indulging my fantasies of masculine men and hot sex. Thinking this was simply the cross I had to bear, I resolved again and again to give up porn and masturbation and impure desires, and dated several girls pretty seriously. About 2001, I finally got up the courage to have some form of sex, and let my girlfriend at the time suck me off before she moved back east. Of course, I was thinking of men the whole time. Within a year, I had placed an ad online, had sex with a guy for the first time and loved it. Then, I met the man who won my heart in the blink of an eye, and we recently celebrated three years together. I'm a lucky man. But I still find myself at the computer, my porn habit having grown into something of a hobby.

Admittedly, I surf for porn a lot less than I used to -- therapy, regular sex, and a nearby gay book/video store all help in those departments. Lately, I'm hooked on blogs, on seeing how real people balance their "real" lives and their sex lives. I'm seeing the beauty of masculinity, rather than just it's erotic appeal, which ultimately makes the masculinity more erotic. I've been emotionally open to real gay men, not just the fantasies. This blog is an outgrowth of my desire to bridge reality and eroticism, and show pure masculine beauty as it exists in today's world.

So, welcome to the Northern Vault -- the vault of images, thoughts, and feelings that I have carried with me to this wonderful state of Minnesota! Feel free to explore, comment, and write as you wish. I'm at your service.